Kyoko vs. Yuki DVD Review

Kyoko has just finished her training as a hitman, I mean hitgirl. She gets to test her moves on some gimp that's led in by a couple of schoolgirls and after taking a couple of punches herself, gives him a major beating, then stabs him in the head with her new blade for good measure. Yuki and her lesbian lover steal a briefcase full of money and drugs from some bloke, then get down to some girlie love while he watches. As it happens, Kyoko was also sent after the man with the briefcase, but arrives just after Yuki had left with it, so she goes in search of her. En route we meet a plump weirdo of a woman with a strap-on-dick and a very comical female vagrant, who has her umbrella stolen. Kyoko approaches Yuki, but she's no pushover as Kyoko discovers when she gets her hand lopped off. Un phased by this, she picks it up, pops it between her teeth and scurries off to fix it back on, complete with Freddy Krueger style blades. The story culminates with a fight between the two lovelies using the aforementioned umbrella and a bra.

This is one seriously low budget but wildly entertaining effort from Daisuke Yamanouchi, director of such gems as Dead A Go! Go! and Mu Zan E. Give this man a video camera and 150 yen and he'll give you a twisted gore and sex fest. The version I have has no subtitles so I've no idea what the hell they were talking about, but the sight of a couple of gorgeous young Japanese ladies dressed in school uniforms kicking each other to death more than made up for that.

Although it’s widely available from many purveyors of dodgy discs, Kyoko vs. Yuki has only ever been officially released on VHS. I hope this gets a proper DVD release, it’s one of those so-bad-it’s-good cult classics in the making. The sex scenes are pretty impressive too, complete with over the top squelching noises, and the lesbian necrophilia is something you don't see too often. Not everybody's cup of tea, but I really enjoyed Kyoko vs. Yuki, but next time I watch it I think I'll hire me a Japanese lady, complete with school uniform, to sit on my lap and translate for me. She can run the vacuum cleaner round the place for me when she's finished.

What? S.J.T.

Kyoko vs. Yuki. 2000

Directed by Daisuke Yamanouchi